A sentence starts out like a curtain
Closed in a crowded theater and as the lights are dimmed there is an uneasy, delicate air of discomfort.
The sentence begins too late and too soon all at once. The performance is greatly anticipated, so the ache of wait is too much in the still mist of a desirous audience. The thin veil breaks among the crowd as the curtains crack, and the fear intensifies.
It begins with a stutter, perhaps. A flub. awkward rhythm.
It begins with a need for editing but there is no going back
And the writer must work with the start they are given.
It begins with a nervous audience and a crack in confidence, and continues regardless. It gains motion and poetry. It gains itself. And in this gain, finds meaning and glory among the eyes of the world.
When in a motion of unstoppable delight, the show winds down, the sentence understands itself. A one night show, no flash photography, and the memory of the sentence and it's nuance is the duty the viewer.
And not everybody does his or her job.
So it is lost.
But for that night? The sentence gave a brilliant performance.
yo girl, you would write about the stage...=P
ReplyDeleteWhat I find amusing is this "gaining of momentum" that you speak of is apparent in your own writing. The opening lines of this piece feel clumsy to me (and I mean that in the most affectionate way possible) while the end is really quite poetic. That's really cool and if you want the piece to feel that way than disregard most of my advice below...
The allusion with the sentence and the curtain...I would change it to the "rise of the curtain" or something similar, you talk about short abstract moments in the rest of your "poem" (is it a poem? I'm just guessing...) so opening with a comparison to something that is very concrete and unmoving is a little weird...there is no precise moment described through the word "curtain", it's just a thing that's always there...
nice alliteration in the second line...delicate and discomfort don't work for me...wrong vowel sounds...I would suggest a word like "disquiet" instead of "discomfort". "Discomfort" is such a heavy word whereas "delicate" is light and airy...unless you want the juxtaposition...in which case it works.
a little too wordy in beginning...get rid of "all at once", "greatly", "so"(before ache), "as" (before curtains crack)...You seem to want to go from moment to moment, if you want your readers to do the same than you have to get rid of all the "pretty" language...sad, but necessary. With poetic writing, you don't have to observe all the crazy grammar rules, you don't have to have those conjunction words to connect thoughts.
"a flub" - i lovvvvve this word =D
right, I think I've played teacher for long enough...if I could give you a sparkley gold sticker star I would, but the virtual world seems opposed to such things...
haha I love that you commented on my blog! But I wish you commented on something that wasn't this free write! haha I hate this post. (shh... that's a secret) but I totes agree with whatcha sayin'!
ReplyDeleteMy favorite part about this (aside from the theatre allegory) is this line: “And the writer must work with the start they are given.”
ReplyDeleteThere’s something true about this; and yet, writers like Shelley Jackson are claiming that it’s no way to write stories. For me, sentences start out slow and awkward, and are often scrapped entirely as I think of new ways to convey my idea. In a way, I have to “work with the start [I am] given,” but in some ways I can change that direction with a tuned sentence.
I also enjoy how you phrased it; it’s as if the writer has been given their start—not that they created it.
I love the way you composed this. It's more of a poem and brings us through a wonderful story. Why do you hate this post? I think it's great! The best writing always comes from what you know best and what you care about the most. You clearly were able to relate writing a sentence to the process of something personal.
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